I don't make mistakes -- I'm making learning moments

Of course I make mistakes -- all the time.  But now I'm taking a different view of these actions. I want to see each decision as an opportunity to learn about myself and why I make the decisions I make.  I want to be more conscience in my actions and not so reactive.  I've lived my life in a reactive mode - an emotional reactive mode and this hasn't served me well.  It's time for something different.

I was very lucky to have spent the last 5 months working in Amsterdam (well to be honest I called the town the "Valrico" of Amsterdam).  And I loved it.  I loved being in Europe and with new people.  I enjoyed the work (most of the time) and the travel.  I was able to spend time with a dear friend and her family and it was very special for me.  I hope I have the chance to go back soon.

I also found myself emotionally responding to situations without being in better . . . awareness (good word here) of the consequences to follow.  I like to believe I have a good way with people and while I don't believe everyone will love me, I now also realize I can't make everyone happy.  I don't have to make people like me -- nor do I need to make people happy all the time.  It's not my role.

What I do need to do is find a better way not to take so much personally and not get so emotionally attached.  I always thought if I showed how much I care then I would be treated with the same respect.  Not true.  Clearly I need to learn a better way to express how I care without being off putting to those who don't understand.

I care too much.  I didn't think that possible but it is.  And I think I frighten people because of it.  And then there's wearing my heart on my sleeve.  That doesn't serve me well either.  I think about the character Meryl Streep played in "The Devil Wears Prada."  While much of her demeanor was cold and cruel, the part I admired was the control and the lack of visible emotion.

So here's the plan -- don't react -- stop - think - respond if needed.   I don't need to respond to everything.  And maybe there is more value to listening and waiting.  I'm going to try this and see what happens.  

And thank you to those who brought me this lesson.  I appreciate the growth.