As I sit in the lobby of my hotel in St. Paul, Minnesota (I know . . . ME?!), I strike up a conversation with a group of women, all with little children, and they are staying in the hotel for a wedding -- a relative. They are all from the midwest --Minnesota and Idaho specifically.
I should mention at this point that I met the mother of the groom and let's just say she is't thrilled with her son's choice. I honestly think she was trying a last ditch effort with me to see if something could be changed. I will confess that she was on her 2nd (maybe 3rd?) martini, and she was a hoot. I think she was a little disappointed her son (THE GROOM) wasn't readily available to meet me. But did I mention the wedding is in about 22 hours?!
Anyway, back to the main reason for this diatribe -- all the children running all over the lobby were simply adorable. They are all under the age of 4 and there are so many of them. I think I counted 6 in total. I enjoyed watching them run around and some were even starting to walk. Really Adorable. It wasn't until the 11 month old was about to entire the roaring fireplace that I thought I should step in and prevent that action. I have to give her credit -- she looked up at me as I picked her up and smiled. Good kid.
And then the husband of one of the women came into the lobby. He's handsome -- very handsome, and she is . . . nice. I am not being critical, really. It isn't about looks or presentation. It is only about the feeling I had when she introduced me to him and I thought -- Hell No! This isn't a straight man.
So maybe this is a New York vs. Midwest thing. Could that be it? Maybe I've been a NY'er for too long and I expect all MEN to be jerks who have a machismo or something. Maybe the thought of a nice guy without an agenda and an attitude who is good looking is so foreign to me that I automatically assume -- GAY! (Not that this is a bad thing, but it isn't a prospect for me).
I watched him for more than an hour -- remember I'm stuck in a hotel in St. Paul, MN tonight -- what else is there to do? And when they all left to head to dinner, I was convinced that my gaydar was working really well. I don't even know why I care about this, other than the fact that I am bored and love to watch people. And it is amazing to me -- she is married to this lovely man. He's sweet and handsome and . . . .
I was joking (only a little) with my friend B. recently that maybe I should marry a gay man who likes to cuddle with women and who wants children. We could both have boyfriends without any concerns about cheating and have a family and enjoy being a couple and this might work out well. Hey, I'll have a date for weddings and major holidays and I don't need to be at the "other table" at major events/family gatherings. I'm trying to find the negative in this scenario and so maybe this is what this couple is all about. Maybe they came up with the same logic and if so, good for them.
And then there is this man in my circle at the moment, and I like him -- a lot! I don't have any idea where this is going -- if at all because at the moment there is a HUGE question. But I do like him. I think he's a good man. I want to think he's going to be in my life in some respect (and that doesn't include reading Facebook posts). But I don't know. And I don't think there is anything I can do about it. So I am a little fixated on others. And I enjoy watching others. It's better than sitting in the room and watching crappy TV.
I hope this couple here in the midwest is madly in love and happy and all is well. And I hope I am not becoming cynical and defensive and I can keep my eyes and ears and heart open for the amazing man who is destined to come into my world. I'm just thinking out loud and rambling away!!
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